29th July 2004
Return from Binghamton
Well, that was a little stressful. Last night, I met up with my good friend A, who had effectively got me the interview at Company U. He briefed me on the various people, some of whom I knew, that would interview me. I was feeling pretty good about the whole thing as I retired.
This morning, however, I was a bag of fidgety nerves. I sat through four hours of interviews with various people, answering questions with all the authority of Donald Duck. I tell you, if I get this job, I will be the first person ever to pitch milk over the HR directors' wall during an interview. That is how badly I was vibrating. Even on the plane on the way back, I had to drink my apple juice from the can...the hands were not too steady to say the least and plastic glasses amplify under tension.
It could go either way. I've worked with these people before and they know my capabilities but I'm sure my performance today was awful. But we'll see. One of the guys who interviewed me, I have known for years. Hell, I debugged his code at a trade show in Munich. His reaction to me was "Man, you are nervous! Why would you be nervous with me? We've worked together before and if it were up to me, I'd hire you now." Such is the price of self-consciousness.
The package seems to be OK and the benefits are, quite frankly, stunning in comparison to what I had. The cost of living there is way lower than here so we can take a cut in pay too.
I just hope I didn't blow it by being so nervous. That would piss me off.
I'd forgotten how hard travelling was. And how intimidating interviews can be. My last real interview was fourteen years ago. Since then, I have followed my CEOs. It's tough getting back into the real world.
I'll let y'all know (for Yaya - the y'all that it is) what transpires as and when I find out. Fingers crossed!
I do like Binghmaton.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Thu 22:20 CDT
28th July 2004
Ay karrumba
Well, I'm off to do my first formal interview in 14 years. I'm, as you say, whacking it.
Internet presence will be zero while travelling due to the lack of a laptop.
See you Friday.
Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Wed 11:47 CDT
26th July 2004
(White) Coat time
It's a well known fact that I question my sanity on a regular basis. My brain runs rings around itself at times and my lateral thought has been known to land me in trouble. I give you two such examples:
I appear to have offended Peter over in Steve's comments. Steve has a post there about Peter Mandelson's appointment to the EU. A little background for the furriners; Peter Mandelson was let go from the government because of a personal loan to buy a house. It has also been alleged by the tabloid press (although never proven) that he is gay. I put house and gay together and came up with the incredibly unfunny cottaging remark, which was a bit juvenile I know, but all the same, it made me laugh at the time. Wrong! So, I issue a public apology.
My second less serious temporary lapse of reason was when looking out of the window this morning. The sun was reflecting off the tarmac so brightly, it looked white. It's a testament that I have lived here too long that my immediate reaction was "hmm, snow? In July? I suppose it's possible here. Thank God the snow-blower is accessible."
I swear this is either some form of mania or I'm going prematurely senile.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Mon 13:08 CDT
25th July 2004
Random nonsense
Can someone explain to me what exactly is so exciting about the Tour de France? Lance Armstrong wins again. Yawn. It's like Michael Shumacher winning a Formula One race. Yawn. Shock, horror. Yawn. And it's the lead story on the CNN web site at the moment. What the hell is that all about? It must be a slow news day.
In UK news, some whack-job Muslim organization held a rally in Essex to promote the UK being ruled under Sharia. The irony? They moved it from London due to the potential threat of al Queda. Oh my! I think I've just cracked a rib laughing. OK, they were a little worried about the British Nationalist Party and the National Front but all the same...still, funny.
In me news, I'm going to get on a plane on Wednesday for the first time in ten months. I am not looking forward to it, first class seat or not. There was a time when I breezed up to the airport every week and just went through the motions. Now I jitter waiting...it's the waiting I hate. For anything. For some reason it stresses me more than any other situation. Ah, right. Except interviews. Which is what I have following the flight. Ugh.
Finally, is it wrong to be severely irritated by your children's infinite swings from wild laughter to pitiful shreaks? They appear to have a frequency of about 0.05 Hz. Cue bad joke; it's all in the noise. Gulp. Sorry about that. I'll shut up now.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Sun 16:18 CDT
24th July 2004
Thank God it isn't me
Natzoid is doing her fund-raiser today for Kids Against Hunger by blogging every half hour for twenty-four of your human hours. I had to do a bit of guest posting while she was supervising a packaging group who actually were bagging food that will be sent to starving kids somewhere in some remote part of the world that I have probably not heard of, so you'll have to forgive that slight breakage of the rules.
I'm not sure I could pull an all-nighter. The last time I did that was on a customer site in Florida where I was preparing for a measurement study. We passed but the bastards didn't buy the machine. What a waste of energy that was. However, Natzoid's efforts will yield tangible benefits to people around the world. So go donate now.
I've always worked in the B2B market so I'm fascinated by how frugally the NFP orgs work. Their financing looks hairline to me but they continue to ship tons of food everywhere. It's pretty bloody amazing. You think commercial businesses need some managing? You should see what NFPs do.
Most people in starving countries are of the opinion that they haven't really eaten in a day until they have eaten rice. The food that Natzoid's organization produces is rice, soy, vegetables and chicken. A perfectly balanced meal for $0.23. And rather than the smush that you see being doled out in splats on late night infommercials which looks like some kind of porridge gone horribly wrong, this stuff actually tastes good. If I were a religious man, I would call it a miracle.
The guy who founded Kids Against Hunger has sunk a large part of his own wealth into it. I think it's only fair that we help out. Come on...$1 to feed four people living hell for a day? You probably spend nearly three times that at Starbucks on your way to work. That latte would feed 12 people for a day. 'Nuff said.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Sat 17:27 CDT
23rd July 2004
I annoy myself
This is how geekily stupid my mind is.
Yesterday, I was sitting thinking about how mind-numbingly bipolar US politics are and it struck me that what you have in this situation is a bimodal distribution of opinion that is the product of a sampling error. Indeed it is not a bimodal distribution but a Gaussian distribution that because of sampling errors, just looks like it's bimodal.
Now if you agree with that premise for a moment, then what does it mean? It means that approximately 60% of the population are disenfranchised (oooh - democrat word.) I reckon that's about right.
I should stick to commentating on poop.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Fri 10:20 CDT
Domestic God, NOT
I know. I know. This is turning into one of those blogs that documents childrens' bowel movements and trips to the grocery store. I bore myself too. That my mind is consumed by things to eat for lunch, did I let the dogs out, do we need milk (silly question) etc makes me want to projectile vomit. But allow me one indulgence...
Every parent knows when their kid has got up too early. For those without kids, allow me to offer you some guidance. They behave about as friendly as a cornered ferret. That is the hell that I am experiencing today. The bastard Wiggles, Maisy and Blue's Clues have all failed me. It makes me wish there was a football match on; both kids fall asleep instantly. Come to think of it, I do have a video of Utd's 1999 Champions' League victory. Anyway, the point is that dealing with a tired toddler is like being trapped in a barn by geese. Except more painful and infinitely more noisy. The seventh ring of hell (when I get there) will be filled with tired toddlers and a bit of fire and brimstone. Oh, and probably Budweiser.
The good news is that next week, I will be silent for a couple of days as I head off to Barbados. Did I say Barbados? I meant Binghamton NY. I'll be there to be quizzed by some software gurus on whether I know my ODBC from my OLEDB. I have done some work with this company on a number of occasions and I know a lot of the people there who lauded me to the hiring people. I also know the CEO who lived in my home town for a few years and who, if I remember correctly, used to drink with my dad. It's a funny old world isn't it? A few years ago, I would not have touched a billion dollar company and now I find myself actively wanting a job at a big company. C'est la vie.
So what delights does the day hold then? A bit of plant watering, a spot of lunch, a few diaper changes. And a whole boat load of screaming kids. Come on. You love it, don't you? You'd love it if I posted every time the bathroom door shut or a bottle needed refilling? God, I am tedious.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Fri 09:30 CDT
21st July 2004
Get me my shotgun maw
The people at the back of us have a yappy. Some little fart of a dog that while purporting to be a terrier of some description is actually a rat on a piece of string. It barks incessantly and drives me nuts. My dogs don't even notice it as the same species. They give it a "I wouldn't countenance even barking back at you midget."
There is nothing more annoying than eternal yapping. We trained our dogs from an early age that barking incessantly was not going to be tolerated. In fact, when they do occasionally start on a bark-fest, they are whipped inside quicker than Janet Jackson's boob can be covered. I have had a conversation with the guy who owns the rat and asked that he try to silence the little bastard but he seems not inclined to comply. This is the guy who bellows at hundreds of decibels at his kids, calling them names I will not even write down. Verdict: jerkmonkey.
This a street of dog-owners. With a couple of exceptions, I think everyone has dogs. And it appears that everyone bar the jerkmonkey keeps them under control. His little git tries to jump the fence to get at our dogs. I'm thinking of buying it a springboard such that one day it makes it, although I am worried that it may just kill Sasha or Stella by getting stuck in their throat. But what a chew-toy eh? They could play tug of war and everything.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Wed 11:36 CDT
20th July 2004
Today's Mike Harding
Every now and again, a random Mike Harding song flits into my mind. This is today's:
It's hard being a cowboy in Rochdale,
Spurs don't fit right on your clogs.
It's hard being a cowboy in Rochdale
'Cos people laugh when I ride past on our Alsation dog.
Genius.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Tue 12:09 CDT
19th July 2004
Ribs, the aftermath
The kitchen is a disaster area. Guess what I'm doing today.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Mon 10:54 CDT
18th July 2004
Oh God
Natzoid made the ribs from Steve's book tonight. And the potato casserole, although she did add some more lard in the form of bacon and more sour cream. As she was cooking it, I was on IM with Steve telling him how much I hated him and how much my dogs loved him.
I now want to just lie down and sleep with Delia Smith but Natzoid has insisted we have a retro-eighties night with the CD she so lambasted at Christmas that was a gift from my brother. If I don't re-appear, you know what happened.
God, I'm dying here. Too much food. Scale Steve's ingredients down by about a third or you too will be pushing up daisies.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Sun 21:12 CDT
Laziness is good for you, exercise is not
I bit the bullet late this afternoon and decided to mow the back yard. When you're losing dogs and kids in it, you know you have been a bit remiss and need to make amends to the Gods of lawncare.
Out I went armed with 5.5 horse power of bladed fury and did battle with all sorts of plants that I didn't recognise, growing with audacity in my lawn. Oh no. This will not do. I cut 'em like they were the dogs that they are. I was brutal and spared nothing in my path.
I know where Natzoid is stopping on her way home tomorrow and it involves weed-killer. Never again am I looking at those pretty little white flowers that I DIDN"T PLANT. Or those lovely meadow clover THAT ARE WEEDS. Bastards the lot of them.
If I didn't plant you, you have no right to grow in my yard. And that goes for you precocious maple saplings too.
And a quick note to my dogs: if you don't poop in the same place, Daddy is going to buy you a battery-chicken style cage each which will force the issue. And please stop eating crayons and plastic. Multi-colored poop may make the search easier but I'm sure you can't be feeling all that well off it.
Having been bitten to shreds by the insectoid population of Minnesota, I declare myself done for the day. The front yard can wait for tomorrow; I don't care if we look like white trash for another day. Although I may compound that appearance by taking out numerous empty Guinness cans tomorrow morning (vitamin G is important when doing garden stuff.)
As I type, the essence of ribs is wafting around the house (Steve's recipe.) Whatever temptation I had to mow the front has been blown by an aroma and a pint of vitamin G.
Hope your Big Mac or dry roast bring you joy this evening. I think Daddy's in for some BBQ-cheeks and if the dogs comply, they might be on the receiving end of a treat or two. I'll see if I can photograph them there ribs.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm a hillbilly. Pass the moonshine maw.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Sun 18:05 CDT
Shameless pimping
The Missus has demanded with menaces politely requested that I put up a link to her effort to raise some dosh in aid of the charity she works for. I tried to explain that I only have a single regular reader in Botswana called Cuthbert who is more likely to be on the receiving end of her aid than on the donating side, but she was quite insistent.
So there you have it Cuthbert. Get on over there and donate. It really is for a fine cause.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Sun 13:15 CDT
17th July 2004
It's official
I must be evil.
If you came here after googling Yates the monstrosity of the world, I hope you were unsuccessul in your quest.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Sat 14:29 CDT
16th July 2004
Oh to be annoyed for a good reason
Those with children will understand The Wiggles Complex, whereby one's patience is stretched beyond measure by a group of asexual Aussie wannabe porn stars. I look forward to the day when I can be genuinely agitated for good reason.
When I was a teenager, my father, a staunch conservative, used to get supremely ticked off by The Smiths' lyrics. "I decree today that life is simply taking and not giving. England is mine and it owes me a living. Ask me why and I'll spit in your eye." Out of context, I would be miffed if the kids listened to that too. But in context, it's not as bad as it sounds. But at least it was worthy of some blood-pressure uppage.
But the damned Wiggles? How can I get so worked up about their ineffectual blandness? As I type, I can hear them singing their damned Dublin's Zoological Gardens, which incidentally, Natzoid and I both first misheard as Dublin's Illogical Gardens. In the immortal words of Half Man Half Biscuit, it really does make me want to go out and commit mass-murder. In Australia. Sorry Antipodeans but your export is a war crime worse than that of Justin Timberlake or Brittney (sp?) Spears (I cannot be bothered checking the spelling - it is not a name I have a great need to type.)
Some of Samantha's and Nataie's stuff is worth the blood pressure. Can I say Eminem? But the Wiggles? The stupid, nicey-nicey, pathetic Wiggles? I think not. But I can't help it. I hate them.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Fri 12:11 CDT
Justice?
I'm having a hard time understanding the Martha Stewart sentence.
Let me get this right. She lied about something under oath in reference to something else that she was never charged with? Hmm. I can think of a few other people who lied under oath and got away with a mild censure and a good book deal.
What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
And I bloody well hope that the Enron, Tyco, etc executives get pro-rated punishment.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Fri 10:49 CDT
Yates to release new album
I've decided that a career change is in order. This computer thingumy doesn't pay nearly as well as it should. Hell, I even have to mow my own lawn. So I've decided to release my first album. When it debuts, people who know me will be stunned by my vocal range, guitar skills and faux Irish accent.
Being the demure type, I will not be touring but my agent reckons I could sell the songs to U2. Man, that would be sweet. I'd hire a lawn-mowing service and a French Au Pair. What I will do is address the UN, develop insectoid sun-glass syndrome and scream "feck the revolution" a lot.
Advance orders and rush-delivery are available. Email me.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Fri 09:56 CDT
15th July 2004
Ooh - scary
Triple Adverb will have to go up against Michael Howard again on the subject of Iraq. I bet he's quaking. You could roll me out of a bar at two in the morning after the mother of all benders and I would not be intimidated by debating Michael Howard. Or you could just poke me while I'm sleeping. Either way, even I would wipe the floor with him.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Thu 15:33 CDT
Chatter
Nic sneezes.
Zoe: Bless you.
Nic: Tantoo.
Zoe: Bless you.
Nic: Tantoo.
Zoe: Bless you.
Nic: Tantoo.
Repeat until homicidal. You get the idea.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Thu 13:05 CDT
14th July 2004
Continued guidance for would-be parents
When your little prodigy is four and spots her little friends out in their back yard just prior to lunch, you are well advised to not let her go over there until after lunch. From experience, I can say that having thirty minutes of play prior to lunch is worse than having none until after lunch. I learned that lesson the hard way a few days ago, whence the "Z-effect", as I have christened it, reached epic proportions. Also, when allowing your four year old to go out to play, it is best to distract your 19 month old with something edible to prevent the "N-effect."
Also, I would be very grateful if milk carton manufacturers made the thread on their gallon cartons the same as those used on children's bottles; it would save me so much time. Our milk consumption is getting ridiculous. I think we're now over a gallon a day. It's to the point where I feel guilty if I drink any at all or even put it in coffee. You should see the accusing stares. They are of the same level of incredulous astonishment as those that are issued forth when Natzoid imposes her "Mommy Tax" on Halloween candy hauls. Did I write that or just think it?
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Wed 11:35 CDT
13th July 2004
Another velvet morning
Sorry folks. My usual tirade of trivial nonsense and derisive commentary has been a bit quiet over the last couple of days due to being a bit out of sorts. I was, I think, a tad existential in a kind of severely not good kind of way. Hell, I think I slept more hours on Sunday than I was awake which is going some for one whose normal sleep requirement is about six hours. Still, I'm feeling a little better today so I can rant away. And I will.
My little rant the other day about the EU is backed up by a European Court ruling today that contrary to French and German behavior, there are rules to be adhered to in order for this to work. And the truth is that it never will because France and Germany never comply with anything other than extended lunches and shutting down for two months in summer. I know, the rules on the percentage of GDP that a national debt can be are about to change but guess what will happen then? Yup. We'll be doing this again in the not too distant future.
Next up about bloody time. Next stop, the Lords eh? And then, deity willing, Buck House.
I know. I'm narky. That's because the youngest is up too early and is also narky which means I haven't had my fill of coffee yet. And I've just caught Zoe screaming "so long sucker." Erm. Let's see Zoe...how's about no?
I'm off to do some thinking. Natzoid and I disagree on some numbers although I must confess, I am not in possession of all the facts so that hinders any unanimity. Still, we'll see.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Tue 09:40 CDT
10th July 2004
Laugh a minute
Natzoid and I have just spent a couple of hours stuffing envelopes, labelling them and then franking them for postage. Saturday nights round here rock.
Apparently we have dinner guests on Monday night. I found out this afternoon so the clean-up campaign needs to start in earnest tomorrow.
Now the thing is that if we stuff envelopes on a Saturday night, what will do on Monday? Aha! I can see some unfolded mailers! With guests, we could set up an assembly line...fold, stuff, seal, label, frank. Man, we could get thousands done. I am such the host eh?
Never a dull moment here, I can tell you.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Sat 20:27 CDT
Turn, turn, turn
Life's a bit peculiar innit? It's the middle of the God damn night and I'm awake. No probs really until tomorrow whence the grass will need cutting and jobs will need doing and that will require me to be awake. My meds knock me out good-style but, as usual, when I awake, I'm awake with a vengeance.
I was just over at Manc Steve's place. It reminds me of all the great people I knew and of all the people I miss. Our humour may not travel that well but we can still crack each other up. Steve's more of my dad's age but hell if he doesn't sound like he's my dad except way more eloquent. My dad would have a hard time saying hello on a web site. The beauty of having parents who are highly unlikely to find your blog cannot be understated. Steve's kids are fecked. Although so is he.
It makes me wonder whether what we blog will be preserved after our passing. Personally, I would love to read my ancestors' memoirs. I'm a genealogical despot so that kind of thing is thrilling to me. Google might preserve our lives. How bent is that?
Too late. Middle of the night. Hellishly attractive wife to do see.
Later dudes. And yes, I just duded you again.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Sat 03:59 CDT
9th July 2004
The hell...
From an email from my brother:
With all the news on TV lately about the extreme weather conditions affecting the East Coast of the US, the mud slides in the Middle East and South America, along with the dire predictions made by such films as 'The Day After Tomorrow', we shouldn't forget that England has its share of devastating weather too. I've attached a photo illustrating the
damage caused to a friend's home from the storm that passed through Southern England last night. It really makes you cherish what you have, and reminds us not to take things for granted. God bless us all.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Fri 17:51 CDT
Moonbat
Prince Charles again proves that if his IQ were any higher, he'd be a lettuce. Chip off the old block, non?
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Fri 07:07 CDT
8th July 2004
Surgeon's hands
Those that have known me since my youth will be utterly astonished to find that my shakes have completely disappeared. Within two days, I have gone from resonating at a frequency that would make glass break to having hands that could play Operation and kick your arse at it. These things are now accurate to micron levels. Just ask Natzoid...ooeerr.
Better living through chemicals...fantastic.
I'm off to do my bit for humanity by going into Natzoid's work for a couple of hours.
Later dudes. And yes, I did just dude you.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Thu 18:10 CDT
Diplomacy reigns...
IM twixt the missus and I:
me: Doonin'?
da missus: Fighting with Canada.
da missus: You?
me: Trying to pick a fight with Canada.
da missus: Well here is how *I* did it...I called Canada and said "Oy, feckers - what's the deal with sending us vegetables that aren't FDA approved? Shit's worthless to us now and it cost us over five grand is US dollars. I could buy a house in Canada for five thousand US dollars. Sort it out, eh?"
me: Man, your diplomacy is legendary.
me: As is your Americanism.
da missus: That's why you fell in love with me in the first place. I was born with "international incident waiting to happen" written all over me.
Please let's not let her deal with China any time soon. I can just see the Maoist response. It involves a big red button and two keys.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Thu 14:10 CDT
Woe is me
For the first time in fifteen years, I opened my email this morning to find that absolutely all of it was spam. Not a single email about anything other than prescription drugs, debt-relief and re-financing. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Thu 12:30 CDT
7th July 2004
Haha - fooled you
No. I'm not dead. Maybe these quacks do know what they are doing after all.
I've been having a play around with bloglines this morning and am starting to think that it's pretty excellent, especially since it negates the need for me to have an aggregator on my system. However I have noticed some defficiencies in some blogging tools.
First up, anyone who uses blogger by default doesn't have a news feed. Second, MT's feed truncates entries, strips images and strips comments and their links. Conners uses Citydesk and if it is responsible for the RSS feed, it seems to be the only publishing tool other than my own finely crafted one that does all the right things.
Anyone else played with it and spotted some anomalous behavior?
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Wed 12:42 CDT
6th July 2004
Word Mo-Fos
If I wake up dead tomorrow, make sure Natzoid sues the makers of the pill I have just taken. If I soil myself overnight, I will take care of it. I'm sure Rita or Steve will help a brother or sister out.
I never trusted quacks and I never trusted any drug other than a good red wine. This is uncharted territory people. Things could go all kinds of pear-shaped. As usual I will let you know.
On a similar subject, my experiment in keeping burns covered or not is coming to a conclusion. The results are being validated as we speak. Stay tuned.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Tue 21:56 CDT
Yates survives second doctor visit
Minneapolis MN - via yateswire - Yates today survived a second visit to a doctor this year.
In an unprecedented coup, yateswire has acquired the rights to the story.
Yates is well known in the medical community for fear and loathing of all things medical. He has been quoted as saying that he has, in the past, threatened physical violence to anyone who approached him with a grease-gun needle.
It is alleged that todays encounter went relatively smoothly with Yates commenting "Nice bloke. Had a good chat about Euro 2004 and the NHS. He reckons it will be fifty years before the US medical system is fixed. Although I was a tad surprised that he thought Greece and Portugal were backward countries as far as football was concerned."
One witness said Yates went into a bit of a blither prior to the consultation. Yates dismissed this with a very effectual "blah!" and grabbed his cigarettes while resonating at 50Hz and then added "The blither was about the $180 charge." yateswire has since discovered that his blither was a genuine blither and that the blither that he was blithering was precisely the symptom that he was there to have diagnosed which caused much blithering at yateswire headquarters. And hilarity. Let's not forget the ironic hilarity.
In accordance with Regulation FD, Yates has issued the following statement: "I could get nuttier. I could get fruitier. In which case I am going to do an IPO with Cadburys being the agents."
He left with a bag full of pills that may make him turn green and large when he is angry.
So watch it suckers.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Tue 19:06 CDT
5th July 2004
Drop what you are doing and go to BBC America
Oh My God. Vic and Bob. As Randall and Hopkirk deceased.
Comic genius.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Mon 22:10 CDT
News service declared pants
Minneapolis, MN - via yateswire - A Minneapolis man today declared that Ananova was pants.
Yates, the 35 year old father of three commented that "It's pants. Complete bollocks. There was a time when you could flit on over there and look at archives, link to them and everything. They used to have pictures too you know?"
"I've resorted to the BBC as a home page," he added, "even The Sun keeps links up."
Apparently the deterioration in quality of news coverage, tabloid style reportage of useless drivel and utter lack of pictures of stuff had driven Yates to make the announcement.
In compliance with Regulation FD, he said "I haven't told them; I just can't be arsed."
Liam Gallagher could not be reached for comment.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Mon 17:57 CDT
And while I'm feeling churlish...
In an Ananova article (which I will not link to because by the time I hit the publish button, it will have changed), Sir Stephen Wall, advisor to his Triple Adverbness has this to say on the refusal of the UK to accept a European constitution:
"In a reasonable and rational way, we have to set out for people that the EU - for all its faults - was founded because people rightly felt after two world wars that we had to find a way of managing the squabbles between rival nations without them going to war. And nobody has yet thought of a better way of doing it. It has worked, and it has worked pretty successfully."
What an absolutely ridiculous assertion. The EU was formed to prevent wars? Utter claptrap. The EU was created by a bunch of self-serving bastards who wanted yet another layer of jobs-for-life bureaucrats who could justify inordinate taxation by using a strength in numbers approach. Regulators of regulators. Yes. That's exactly what the UK needs.
The complete and utter solidarity of all EU member states has been proven time and time again as Iraq, exceptions to tax policy and constitutional rights (giggle) that have caused major diplomatic embarassments have proved.
Who the hell are we trying to kid here?
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Mon 11:20 CDT
Good morning, my arse
Good God. Could it have been any worse? I finally managed to sleep beyond six this morning. Natzoid sneaked out to work although I could hear her pottering. I started to get irritated by dogs prowling around the bedroom as they clunked into things and seemed generally restless. The first time I was getting some quality sleep for quite a while and it was all starting to break down.
I should have known. When the dogs behave like that, one of them has done something they shouldn't have. Sure enough, that something's aroma made its way to my nasal passages eventually and that was it. That something was last experienced to this magnitude when one of the gits (I'm looking at you Stella) ate a dead squirrel. The clean-up process this morning was horrendous and involved two boxes, a plastic bag and the current state is that it is covered in baking soda to absorb what moisture is left. I even managed to get it slopped on my hands. The next stage will involve a Shop Vac and a lot of disinfectant. Utterly disgusting. I'm surprised I can even stomach my coffee.
Anyhow, stage one of the biohazard clean-up had just been accomplished when Nic awoke, soaking from head to foot. His diaper had leaked overnight and his pyjamas were drenched. Yet another bloody clean-up exercise.
Stages three and four of the de-craptification await.
Honestly, you think your Monday mornings are bad?
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Mon 11:15 CDT
And while I'm mad
This is ridiculous. In good old "four Yorkshiremen" style, a smack on the arse never did anyone any harm. When I was a lad, I got my fair share of beatings and canings. A smack on the arse would have been adequate.
If you use it wisely (i.e. when they have endangered themselves or have gone completely mentally AWOL), there is nothing wrong. You do it because you love not because you are psycho.
Damn, I must have pissed off the left and the right in the last ten minutes. Tough tofu. I probably should have just had another glass of wine but we're out and I don't feel like a martini.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Mon 01:58 CDT
Sorry guys
Yatescentral has finally made a political decision. It might not please some of you.
Bipolar American politics are a particular hatred of mine. However, having listened to a couple of campaign speeches tonight, I think I have been swung.
Dick Cheney spoke in West Virginia yesterday and I cannot recall being more repulsed by the smug self-satisfaction of a politician since the campaigns of Margaret Thatcher. He even sounded more fanatically arrogant than GW. An unbelievable event; I wish you could have seen it. The masses that turned out were representative of what makes the US the place where even the average European conservative chokes on their cornflakes. Continually booing at their opposition's name is the not the behavior of adults. Ritual chanting of "USA" is the kind of behavior we expect in Iraqi insurgent camps. At least Brits save that for football matches.
If the right want some advice, let me give them some..."America does not need a permission slip..." should never feauture in a speech. You can think some things but you can't say them. Everyone thinks some awful yet true things but the majority have the decency to keep their mouths shut. I may think your wife is the ugliest woman since the Elephant Man had a sex change and I may think her manners are worse than my dog's, but being civilized, I have a filter that stops me from saying so. Dick Cheney's filter is obviously more due for a change than my oil filter. Unless you are speaking to an audience of rabid dingos, you cannot do such things if you intend winning an election. America might not need a permission slip but they would be well advised to get a note from their mum and dad before they play hooky. Or the rest of the bullies might just get a bit pissed.
I can honestly say that I have not been so offended by wanton rhetoric for years. Not even Natzoid's amorous advances distracted me from watching in a fascinated complete disgust. And they are usually a sure fire way to distract me from anything. It was sickening.
Talk of maintaining manufacturing? Of course. Substance? None. And it's not even just manufacturing that is being out-sourced overseas. It's service, it's high-tech too. Dick's proud nation of innovators is about to evaporate under his feet. Are we going to have to start reverse-engineering Chinese products? Answer: no, because they will be owned by US corporations (who out-sourced to the East). And this benefits who? Less than 20% of the US population.
I've sided with tax cuts because that is right. I've sided with a reduction in government overhead because that is right. I have (rightly or wrongly) sided with the war in Iraq. But tonight did it and I am now infuriated. I don't much like Kerry but he doesn't offend me nearly as much as Cheney did tonight.
Bipolar US politics have landed on me like a ton of bricks and I have made up my mind. I'm not going to insult people's characters in the coming months or publish stupid Photoshops but hell's teeth if I am not going to argue each and every point that I see fit. Sometimes, I'm sure I will fall to the right. Other times I will fall to the left.
After tonight, "I don't need a permission slip" to bury stupid arguments. GW has a limited tenure left. At least Tony Triple Adverb had the sense to make himself even slightly re-electable. As always, my politics are those of Triple Adverb and I am very proud that I voted in such a great statesman. Shame the US doesn't have a candidate that is of anywhere near his calibre.
Finally, this will not be an election come November, it will be a poll of who is less pathetic. Really? The most powerful country on earth and it comes to this? It's no wonder impoverished countries put up with their ridiculous regimes and the Middle East is ruled by dickheads. I've quoted it before and I will quote it again..."the public wants what the public gets." The majority are idiots and you have to question the premise of democracy sometimes. When your campaign is a jingoistic refrain accented with an alleged interest in the welfare good of the common man, you're not someone I would want to shake hands with.
With all honesty, I asked Natzoid tonight whether she fancied moving to Australia or Singapore. I'm sick to death of the extremist crap that goes on here. The only middle that the US has ever heard of is probably to do with American Football.
And to think, I woke up today thinking how lucky I was to be in America on Independence Day and raised a glass to the land of the free and the home of the brave. I think I should have come to Dodge a hundred and fifty years ago.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Mon 01:38 CDT
4th July 2004
Lost weekend
We've pretty much lost our weekend. Natzoid set out yesterday to run to work and then to see a sick friend but never made it due to the darned truck packing in, so she's off out again to try to do what she intended yesterday. And tomorrow, she must work. Talk about a sucky holiday or what?
I have discovered something though this weekend so all is not lost. I watched John Wayne's film McClintock this morning and Hondo. And I liked them. One very sad and shoot 'em up, the other hilariously slap-stick with some great one-liners. For example, during the middle of a massive fist fight at the side of a mine, an Indian chief comments to John Wayne "Good party. Where's the whiskey?" I might have to watch some more of his stuff.
We watched The Quick and the Dead last night. It was the first time I had seen it. The previous day, I saw Wyatt Earp (highly recommended) for the first time too. In fact you might say I have truly engaged with the TNT Western marathon.
I can pinpoint my fascination with Westerns to a weekend in 1989, whereby an Englishman, a Pole, a Welshman and an Irishman (no, not a joke) bought the contents of the beer fridge at an off-licence in Middlesbrough's Abingdon Road and rented every Clint Eastwood film they had. A truly defining weekend.
I had a friend back in England who was obsessed with the American Indian cause, who I met shortly after that weekend and my fate was sealed. In truth, that is partly the reason I acquisced to the trip to SD so soon before my Asian stint last year. To see where Wild Bill was gunned down was a bit of a fulfilled fantasy.
I'm not sure I can keep up with the copious viewing to be had at the moment. The lawn needs mowing. But then again, it's Independence Day and no work should be done today surely? Maybe tomorrow.
Happy 4th to all the US crew. I hope all your ribeyes are done to perfection. And to the Euro-crowd, I hope Portugal lose; if they win, there will be tears streaming in Minnesota. And, no I'm not doing the PPV thing; too bloody expensive. I might try the 5-Live webcast though.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Sun 13:27 CDT
3rd July 2004
We must have been serial killers in a previous life
In addition to our washing machine shuffling off its mortal coil, the truck died today as Natzoid went into work to perform an entirely voluntary, unpaid and humanitarian service. Another $70 towing fee. And the mechanic doesn't know what's wrong. Natzoid is currently sat in her office, stranded, and the mechanic is no doubt knocking up man-hours worth of chargeable labor.
What the hell did we do wrong to deserve this? Honestly, I try to keep good humor but I really am at my wit's end.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Sat 16:34 CDT
2nd July 2004
Pimping
I feel I should give some pimping to a couple of newcomers to the world of ranting inanely. First off there is Paul and then there is his friend Jennifer. Don't ask me what the Mornington Crescent thing is all about (I've been gone for years, literally as well as metaphorically) and that whole art thing confuses me; weren't there only ever three artists? Rossetti, Waterhouse and some other guy I forget.
Anyway, go say hello and get your curried lobby or librarian fantasies going, as is your wont.
I'm off to change a very ammonia-smelling diaper. God, I am so lucky.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Fri 15:13 CDT
Why I love the West
I have just watched The Unforgiven. It took me back to our tour of Deadwood City in South Dakota late last summer. While being a terrible time to live, it must have been great too. When we were there, we watched a shoot-out. I've never really dealt with guns apart from air rifles (which incidentally I got shot in the butt with.) Even the sound of the blanks being fired sent me on my back. I loved it.
When I was a kid at school, I was fascinated with America. With cowboys and Indians. And with the vastness of it all. I remember handing in a project when I was all of 11 that was wholy about America and I remember my mother saying to me "You're going to go live there aren't you?" and me laughing. Like I would ever get to live in America? Ha. And I never thought I would, let alone marry the wittiest, sexiest living American. Life's a bugger innit?
A few decades later and I have been to most states. But I retain my love for the cowboy country. The old West was bad, but at least in the films it was honorable. City life sucks, let's face it, but the open country I could deal with. Shame I have nothing to offer that demographic.
Anyone want to front us the money to go live in Deadwood? I'd be there in a heartbeat. I could swap high-tech for running a hotel any day. Man, would that be sweet.
I'd be way better in the sticks than living the suburban dream. Manchester sucked and I loved my weekends in the country and subsequent moves to greener pastures. Back to nature eh? Aerosol Ambre Solaire.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Fri 00:49 CDT
1st July 2004
Some days...
It's harder to listen to children screaming with laughter than screaming with frustration.
You can type faster than others.
You get more mosquito bites than you deserved (currently at 20+, all of them itching like bastards, 'cos we all know bastards itch.)
Emails can be more inflamatory than others.
I think I should just let kids learn their lessons by experience..."of course you can have those scissors."
You wake your missus to tell her she's late for work and she responds harshly "I was proving a point."
Some posts are better than others.
Comments (), Permalink, Posted: Thu 13:15 CDT